Pointer to a TODAY show video When our kids were little I worried when I had to take long business trips because I feared that it wasn't good for them to have me gone for more than a few days. Now that they're grown, I know that those fears were silly, and I can see that there were many ways that those trips actually made me a better parent.
Those thoughts recently re-surfaced as I watched a short video from NBC's TODAY show recently. It highlighted the anchors' two-week separations from their families, espeically kids, while they were in South Korea covering the Olympics, and it showed their homecomings too. Working parents whose jobs require them to travel will probably be able to relate to the stories they tell. (And older working parents will be able to relate to the differences between returning to babies and toddlers vs. teenagers :)
1 Comment
Submitted by Jim Haselmaier
My wife and I both worked full-time while raising our two kids. It never occurred to me that I might give up my career after our kids came along. It seemed like everyone I knew expected me to support my family financially, and I never questioned that expectation. Before our daughter was born, my wife told me that she thought she might be a better mother if she continued working, and I agreed with her. So even when things got hectic and stressful (and trust me they did), it never entered my mind to give up my career.
In hindsight, I think the process of managing careers and kids worked for both of us because we were determined to make it work. Most of the time it was just that simple. We also developed a level of flexibility that enabled us to manage and cope with the unexpected demands presented by our kids and our jobs. We got really good at supporting each other and communicating clearly. It's worth pointing out to younger parents that we weren't great at any of this in the beginning. It took years of trial and error, failures and successes, and a lot of laughter (and a few tears) to work into a rhythm. We were lucky to have friends with similar lifestyles who would listen to our stories and laugh (rather than gasp) and then tell their own similar stories. Even though our kids have been on their own for a while now, we still feel like we're catching up on lost sleep and quiet time. We each had standing "household assignments"; mine were cooking, grocery shopping and keeping up with the cars. My wife's focus was laundry, paying bills, and "logistics". Over time I added investing and she took on some volunteer work. We recognized that the demands of our careers ebbed and flowed. When one of us was particularly busy at work, the other might need to step in and do more around the house for a while. The fact that we both had demanding full-time careers made us extra sensitive to situations where work was particularly hectic for the other. It caused us to develop a lot of empathy for each other too. One thing that worked for us was an agreement that we would never commit to a business trip without talking with each other to be sure our trips didn't overlap. That ensured we were always able to honor our commitments. And once my in-laws came to the rescue when we both really did need to travel the same week. One night, while I was out-of-town and having dinner with colleagues, my cell phone rang. My wife was calling to ask about a logistical issue at home. The call was quick and efficient with none of the standard pleasantries. My dinner colleagues (who knew my wife and our dual-career situation) started quizzing me about how we do it - raise kids while both of us work. I told them that we'd developed a high degree of empathy for each other. For example, I told them that we understand that, when traveling, the person at home has the harder job. I pointed out that I didn't tell her I was out having a nice meal in a nice restaurant and enjoying myself because that would not have helped her as she was dealing with the stress at home. I appreciated that my career enabled me to travel and change my focus on occasion. I hope it made me a better parent. My wife's career offered the same benefits for her. Determination, flexibility, and commitment enabled us to make it work. Every day.
Submitted by Rick Steffens
When my two kids were in grade school, I needed to travel for work a lot. To be sure I stayed connected with them in a meaningful way, I wanted to establish a fun, special and easily repeatable activity that would make it clear to them that our relationship was one of my top priorities. After some discussion, we decided I would take each of them out for lunch once a month.
When we were just starting out, I didn't really think it was a big deal. But every time I picked one of them from school, the teacher would tell me that they were really excited. Submitted by Doreen Rose While traveling from Houston to Tampa to New York, I had a wonderful experience.
A vacationing family saw me working on my devices and asked what I do for a living. They were fascinated by my occupation in the Cyber Security industry and seemed surprised to meet a woman in my role. Submitted by Andy McKennan So there was this time that my wife was on an extended business trip. She was out of the country and gone for a full week. During that time my eldest daughter, who was 7 or 8 at the time, was playing at a friend’s house. The phone rang, and it was the friend’s mom. The mom was very upset, and clearly trying not to panic.
Copied with permission from the Preface to the book Running for Office, Getting yourself elected to the career you really want by Mary Anne Gale with Shelley Cowan Continued from Work and Life: Inseparable Twelve years and three children later, I had served in a number of business and technical roles at the Cheboygan plant. My mangers told me that, if I wanted to continue with P&G and reach my goal of becoming a plant manager, I would have to accept a position in another location. But relocation posed a significant problem for my marriage. By 1985, Bob [my husband] had left teaching for a career in real estate; we owned properties throughout northern Michigan. He would have to sell everything and start over, which wasn't practical. He didn't want to give up his career any more than I wanted to give up mine. Having already been married for a number of years, Bob and I had a strong relationship. We respected each other's professional aspirations; we also knew how much work it took to balance our careers with our desires for a strong, connected family. After much deliberation, we agreed to try a dual-location marriage. A funny thing happened after I fell in love with my wife, Linda, while we were both attending Michigan State University: 7 kids, 31 years at HP Inc in various global roles, Linda's day care, volunteering, work at Colorado State University... whew! We married and then moved away from our families in Michigan to pursue my career at Hewlett-Packard in Colorado. That was back in 1985, so our journey as a couple and as a family has been one of self-reliance from the beginning. It's been an always evolving partnership as our lives unfolded. Early in our marriage, the stress of it all was a challenge at times. There were deadlines, new jobs, finances, and a young family. It was a challenge to find energy for each other, and I could sense that I wasn't as intuitively grounded as I wanted to be. So i decided I needed to create an explicit framework for myself. I needed to write down not only "what" I wanted to stand for and pursue, but "how" I would hold myself accountable and recognize progress. (Yes, I'm a bit goal-driven.) While this was designed to help me get my personal 'act together', I shared it with Linda during one of our weekly "dates".
Originally Published: Jul 18, 2017 | Last Updated: May 10, 2018
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