Submitted by Susan Sarate
As a wife and mother to two kids, I've always wanted the best for my family. I was raised by a strong mother and great father and feel so thankful that I grew up in a happy home. My mom, who raised me back in the 70s, convinced me that when a mom worked the kids lost out and the mother would eventually be filled with regret. I believed her. Why wouldn't I? She was a great mother and full of fun. She made our lives fun. The thing is, back in 2006, just as my own family was taking shape, she died. She didn't live long enough to answer my questions, understand my family dynamics, or witness the changes that have occurred over the last ten years.
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Submitted by Ann Brauch
When my daughter Kirsten was a senior in high school, she called me at work one morning toward the end of the school year very upset. She had overslept. And wouldn't you know that it was the morning of her AP Spanish exam. She flat out missed it. I felt horrible knowing that if I'd been a more attentive mother, I could have prevented the situation and the angst that followed. Kirsten was no slacker, and I hated thinking about the consequences she would endure in spite of all of her hard work.
Another mother, a friend who happened to be at school that day, overheard the teacher ball Kirsten out for the transgression in no uncertain terms. Apparently she did not go easy on her. Kirsten was and is a strong young woman, and interestingly, she didn't tell me that part of the story. She accepted full responsibility for her mistake. Luckily all was not lost, and a make-up exam was offered and taken. I'm sure you won't be shocked to read that Kirsten went on to college, graduated, and is now gainfully employed by a software company in the healthcare field. The mistake did not ruin her life. In fact, I think she learned a lot from it. For starters, I don't think she's overslept since! As I look back on this experience with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that it was valuable. If I hadn't had my own work and priorities, I might have prevented the situation, and the lesson might not have been learned. At least not then. In some unexpected ways, I think the fact that both my husband and I work has required each of our kids to develop a strong sense of responsibility. And that is serving them well now that they are young adults.
Submitted by Kathleen Helbling It's interesting and encouraging to read these stories about working parents. I was a teacher and have been retired for a while now. How far things have come since my own mother and father were making choices about their careers and family.
After World War II, it was no longer socially acceptable for women to have careers of their own. My mom had a degree in nursing and amazing business skills, but did not pursue a career; instead she took care of our home and us children. She did take care of the family finances, but people at church told her that she was reducing her husband (my dad) by doing that. Interestingly, he didn't want to manage the finances, and in fact, didn't do it very well. It’s a mistake to consider kids and career to be a trade-off rather than a chance for both to benefit. Kids learn from the actions of parents. While high-quality time does not replace a reasonable quantity of time, a greater quantity of time than is needed is a detriment, not a benefit to the child. My mother taught school, and each day we had an hour or so of time alone to learn how to be independent, even from a young age. Sometimes the learning included misbehavior and occasionally some injuries. Most often the learning was how to be successful all by oneself. An even greater lesson was too subtle to be recognized at that time. Mom’s working shaped my attitude for what women could and should be able to do. It’s influenced my collaboration with colleagues, my relationship with my wife, and my parenting of our daughters. Mom coming home later than her children each day was a significant blessing to my upbringing, and I’m thankful for it.
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