Submitted by Kirk Hetherington

I'm one of those career-oriented people who approaches work seriously. Early in my career I did non-profit work, and I think that's at least part of the reason I expect to derive meaning and satisfaction from my work. 

After our first two children were born, I only took a few days off from work, because I wanted to save my vacation days for ... vacations. But by the time my wife and I were expecting our third child, and I was working at the director level, expectations were starting to change. In fact, I will never forget an email I received during that time, in 2018, from my company, Danaher. The message announced a new parental leave policy; eight weeks of paid time off for all new parents. 

While I was thrilled when the announcement was made, and I was excited about the idea of being able to spend significant time with our new baby, I found that even though I hadn't been shy about sharing the news that my wife was expecting with my management and co-workers, I was concerned that asking to use this new benefit might not be well-received. I wondered if a request to spend time with my new baby might be perceived as a lack of commitment to my career, even though nothing could have been farther from truth.

So I was pleasantly surprised, but also a little apprehensive, when my manager, the VP of marketing, asked if I was planning to take a parental leave. After I danced around the question a bit by telling him that I thought it was a great opportunity, that I was glad the company was offering the benefit, but that I was seriously focused on delivering strong results and progressing in my career, my manager came right out and said, "I hope you take all eight weeks." I immediately responded, "I'll do it." And I did.

When our son Zack was born, I took two full weeks off, and then I came back into the office just to check on things. After concluding that the organization could survive without me (ha), I went back home and took the remaining six weeks off. While I really do like to work hard, being able to step out during this time and focus on family exclusively, was incredibly meaningful and impactful. It alleviated some tension that might have existed otherwise.

I consider myself an "all in" kind of guy who loved my work before the parental leave, and I love my work now. Taking the leave didn't change my commitment to my career, but it did cause me to appreciate my company, Danaher, even more. Of the many wonderful things that Danaher has given me in the last nine years, nothing has been more meaningful.

It's also worth noting that throughout my parental leave the company leadership and my co-workers were super supportive. That time with my family was incredibly impactful, and I cherish that time to this day. 

Note: Danaher parental leave policies vary by country. 

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-- Pushing Parental Leave
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Submitted by Kelsey Sprowell

I snuck downstairs from my 'office' in the guest room to snap this shot of the family room floor.

At my friend Molly's suggestion, I ordered a roll of rainbow masking tape from Amazon and encouraged the girls to make a city for their toy cars. Olivia went nuts - I've never seen her imagination so engaged. I helped her map out a road, and then she added a hospital, a grocery store, a post office, a house, two parks, a field of cows, a firehouse and police station, and a hotel. Then she added a whole grid of sidewalks & bike paths.

It was so fun to watch! And now I kinda wish I had my own toy cars.

Editors note: Here's another clever idea !

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Pointer to podcast

The Breakfast Show, a radio program out of London, interviewed Working Parent Stories editor, Kathy Haselmaier, earlier today. Listen in as they discuss the recent YouGov survey reported in The Independent about parents' varied opinions about their ability to achieve balance between their careers and family life. (The show starts at 1:27:38 and the Working Parent Stories editor arrives at 1:42:15) 

Pointer to an encouraging TODAY Show Video

Women from the TODAY swap stories about their increased family time right now in this video.

Working parents adjusting to new routines (not to mention new "co-workers"), may appreciate their stories and insights. Our favorite comment from Jenna Bush Hager: "There was this one day where I raised my voice. I was down on myself for the way that I was acting toward Henry, honestly; the way I was acting toward my kids. And I video'd them, and they were like, 'This is the best! We get Mommy and Daddy at home for dinner every night.'"

Understanding how successful people were raised can be intriguing. It turns out that Dr. Sanjay Gupta, who has been getting a lot of air time on CNN recently, was raised by successful parents, and his mother, Damyanti Gupta, has been recognized fairly recently as the first degreed woman engineer at Ford Motor Company.

You can learn more about her inspiration, determination, and career in this short video. You'll also find a real gem of a story in this video.

Submitted by Nathan Wheat

Until recently, work never came home with me. Somehow I've avoided being tethered by a work-issued cell phone, and I’ve had a handy excuse for not checking work emails on the weekends: I don’t have Internet at home. You’d be surprised how much time you gain when there aren’t Tweets to check, Netflix shows to binge, or unboxing videos to comment on!
 
I’m sure mine isn’t the only home that has seen significant changes recently. With an eye on the news, I finally broke down and signed up for Internet service, and now work never leaves my home.

Here are some things I’ve done to keep my five year old busy and myself sane:

• Increased responsibility: Little kids are capable of more than many of us think. Toddlers can assist with chores, food preparation, and even make choices about their activities for the day. During the first few days of self-imposed confinement, my son sorted through his toys and selected the ones he would like to give away. He’s helping cook dinner, and makes suggestions for lunch from a children’s cookbook. I managed to find one that doesn’t have marshmallows in every recipe ;)
  
  
• Self-led activities: In the morning, I set out several activity stations. Examples include puzzles, coloring, Legos, gardening, and science experiments. Before important (or long) meetings, I make sure there are some snacks on the table and spend a few minutes chatting with my son so that he’s content to be on his own for a while.
  
  
• Connection over lunch: During lunch we spend a solid chunk of time together talking about the day. At work, I don’t like to take any breaks at all, but I’ve had to change my strategy at home. I take many small breaks to sit and talk with my son and see how activities are going, and then take a long break to have lunch. We make lunch together, sit and eat together, and then read a book or play outside. My son gets the socialization he needs, and is content (mostly) to play on his own until I call it a day and open the door to my office.
  
  
• Separate work from play: I’ve taken a cue from Mr. Rogers. In the morning I get dressed as if I’m going to the office. At the end of the work day, I change into tennis shoes and a t-shirt. This helps me and my son differentiate between work and play.
  
  
• Help from others: I have family members in other states that have been leading live activities on Facebook, and family members that are happy to video chat with my son while I’m working. In case anyone was worried about how much I’m neglecting my son during the day, my brother lives with us and makes sure nothing gets set on fire. He’s doing his own work, but it’s still helpful to have another set of eyes and ears during the day. 

We're only eight work days into this new routine, and it's not yet clear how long it needs to last, but as of right now it feels like it's going to work.

When our daughter finished second grade, one of the words on her weekly spelling list was "ventriloquist". She's 29 now, has a good head on her shoulders, and did well in school. And back then, we were pretty sure that she was a genius ;)

So we weren't suprised at the end of second grade, when the school suggested that she be put into a 2nd/3rd "split class" the next year. We were told that as a self-motivated and successful student, the teachers agreed that she had that "something extra" to not only succeed in the environment, but that they thought she would help other students succeed in that environment too. Beaming with pride, we fully endorsed the plan. What could possibly go wrong?

In addition to the teacher's challenge managing the "split class", it was one of her first years teaching, and the class included five students who were either deaf or hearing impared. Clearer thinking parents might have grown suspicious that only a new teacher would take on so many challenges, and we might have grown even more suspicious when the other teachers offered up the best classroom in the building to this teacher; the large room with huge skylights and tons of natural lighting. 

The year got off to a good start, but when our daughter's first spelling list that year included the words, "hill", "bill", and "will", we immediately did what any parent of a young genius would do in that situation; we scheduled a meeting with the principal. (I'm pretty embarassed to tell this part of the story. My only defense is that we were young, and we were trying to raise a genius ;) The principal masterfully calmed us down, and for reasons I can't even remember, we chilled out for the following eight months. I do remember thinking she hardly learned anything that year. I thought it at the time, and I think it now. Kind of.

The thing is, since there was a full-time intepreter in the class, she learned sign language. I claim she was fluent, at least back then, but she insists she was not. (And given that she minored in Linguistics in college, she should know.) We both agree that she knew enough sign language to host totally silent 24 hour sleep overs. While other parents complained they got very little sleep with a basement full of little girls, we slept like babies on those nights.

Fast forward 22 years. Our daughter is now an SLP (Speech-Language Pathologist) whose sign language skills are put to use on a fairly regular basis, and we learned a valuable lesson that parents concerned about their kids' learning right now may find valuable; It's hard to stop kids from learning. We all think we know what they need to learn, but sometimes we're wrong. Sometimes unexpected opportunities that are right in front of us, whether we see them or not, provide the greatest lessons of all.

As so many working parents are stuggling to juggle and navigate a new normal with their kids, it may make sense to ask yourself what valuable learning opportunities are presenting themselves within your own home right now? I know from experience it can be really hard to see them, but I also know from experience that they probably exist. Maybe they'll learn more about your work, maybe they'll learn to be more self-directed, maybe they'll learn about sacrifice, resourcefulness, or adaptabilty. While I have no idea what your kids will learn from this, I am sure they will learn something. And hopefully it will prove to be valuable in the future. 


Do you have any thoughts or ideas to share on this topic? How are you coping? Let us know in the comments below.

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​-- Imagination Engaged
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​-- Adapting to the "New Normal"

A while back I met a young (white) woman at a party. During the course of a getting to know each other conversation, she said that she wished she had lived during the US Civil Rights era so that she could have been a part of that movement. I was taken aback. I was a young child during some of those later years and feel only gratitude for those who did the heavy lifting. It didn't look glamorous or fun, and progress appeared to be expensive for many involved. I don't remember witnessing too many experiences I'd wish on anyone.

Over the years, I've thought a lot about that conversation. It caused me to recognize that movements are often costly, not everyone is capable of rising to the occasion (to drive for change), and many seemingly well-intentioned people impede progress if only via their indifference. 

I often ask myself questions like, "What are the most important movements occurring now?", "Who most needs my support?", "How am I most qualified to help?", and "What can I do to leave the world in better shape than I found it?" As a busy working parent, I tried to make contributions, but never felt like there was enough time to do all of the things I wanted to do.

Then, a few years ago, I retired from a demanding career in high tech. Now I have more time. More time to think, more time to help, and more time to just be.

Recently, I started noticing that more women are complaining about the gender wage gap. These women feel strongly that their daughters should have the same opportunities as their sons, and they want all of their children to be compensated fairly. Interestingly, the vast majority of the women speaking out either aren't employed or they're underemployed. When I mentioned this to my husband recently and asked why women are starting to complain more, he speculated, "My guess is that they've been complaining all along, but you were too busy trying to create opportunities and close the wage gap to notice." The he reminded me of the Amelia Earhart quote: "Never interupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done."

Change is hard, and progress is rarely the result of a request (or a complaint). Driving real change takes effort, and it often requires sacrifice. Parents who want their children to have many opportunitites and receive fair compensation can rarely avoid effort and/or sacrifice. The parents best positioned to drive these changes are the ones with the most opportunities and capabilities. Could that be you?

If so, here are some things you can do to drive changes that will benefit your children:

• Stay in the game (i.e. don't stop working)
• Make sure that your partner takes parental leave after each of your children is born (and make sure that it lasts at least as long as your own)
• Don't settle for underemployment (because that sends a counterproductive message to both employers and children)
• Stop prioritizing money over "the cause" e.g. stop giving preference to your partner's career just because it pays more

It's not reasonable to expect our daughters to enter a workforce that treats them fairly, if we're not willing to help drive the changes we want to see. As Joseph Ranseth encouraged, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Related Story:
-- Unpaid Parental Leave

The title of a recent episode of Think on NPR caught our attention. We wanted to avoid it, but given the choice between silence and listening to it while I got ready to start my day, I opted to listen. And I'm glad I did.

The episode is called "Can Moms Who Stay Home Catch Up On Careers?" I'd wished it was called, "Can Parents Who Stay Home ...", but by the end of the conversation, I got it and wasn't as bothered.

For 48 minutes, the host, Krys Boyd, talked with Pamela Stone, professor of sociology at Hunter College and The Graduate Center, City University of New York. Pamela has written two books of interest and the latest one was co-authored with Meg Lovejoy and called Opting Back In: What Really Happens When Mothers Go Back to Work.

Women and men considering a short break from their careers will want to consider the info shared during this podcast.

Spoiler alert: If you are a high potential employee and do opt out, even for a very short period of time, it's very unlikely you'll pick up where you left off when you return to the workforce.

An idea for working parents who struggle to fit it all in during the holidays
Originally published: Dec 6, 2017  |  Updated: Dec 7, 2019

What if you didn't attend one of your child's holiday programs this year? Not all of them, just one. What if you explained to your child that sometimes, most of the time, he or she is your highest priority and that means that you miss other important things so that you can be with him or her? And what if you went on to explain that sometimes, when you know he or she is safe and happy, other things are a higher priority? Like people in need, planning for the future, or even your job.

Is it possible that action would give your child gifts that could last a lifetime? Might you give them the gift of learning to perform for others, not just you? Might you give him or her the gift of independence (if only for a few minutes)? Might you give him or her a gift they'll greatly appreciate in the future when, as a working parent, he or she knows for sure that a child can feel happy and loved without constant attention from parents?

Working parents throughout social media are in the midst of expressing frustrations that surface during the holidays every year. They're frustrated when school holiday performances and activities are scheduled in the middle of the workday. They wonder how they're expected to be in two places at the same time. They want to be great parents and they want to be great employees. They become frustrated when the system appears to conspire against them. 

It might make sense to ask your kids if they think it's important that you attend every single holiday activity. You might be surprised (and relieved) to hear their answers. 

Update Dec 7, 2019: Another idea: Send someone in your place (someone with more time) like a grandparent, uncle or aunt, a cousin, a neighbor or a friend who would be honored to fill-in for you. It could be a win-win!