As I mentioned in my recent Paris in the Springtime story, I vacationed alone in Paris last month. I landed back in Denver on a Friday evening, and in a mostly unplanned turn of events, my 23 year old son boarded the same plane and headed off to start his own solo travel adventure just a few hours later. I traveled alone in an attempt to add adventure to my life, and he traveled alone to visit friends he'd met when he studied in Sweden during his junior year of college.

Since returning from my trip, people have said many interesting things to me including these comments from two very capable young women: "I wanted to do that, but my dad wouldn't let me" and "I could never do that!"

These comments got me thinking. My experiences got me thinking too.

The first thought is that, for me, traveling alone felt safer than traveling with others for the following reasons:

• I had 100% of the knowledge I needed to function in my own head. (And if it wasn't in there before I left, I added it during the trip.) When I travel with others, I often rely on them to lead me, or sometimes we each have half the info needed to function, which means that neither of us has a complete understanding of most processes.
• I'm much more aware of my surroundings when I travel alone. At 5' 2" and 100 lbs, I'm well aware that I'd need to think my way out of any difficult stituation. And as a person who comes to life after dark, I was constantly asking myself if I felt safe in any given situation as I assessed my surroundings.
• I prepared for this solo trip much more thoroughly than I've prepared for previous trips with others. YouTube sparked the idea for traveling alone, and it helped me understand a lot before I left (e.g. how to buy train and metro tickets, navigate a path from the airport to my lodging, and find opportunities to safely make new friends).

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I'm so glad that my son had the opportunity to travel alone while he was living in Sweden, and I'm glad that he's willing to keep doing it now. Business travel is often a solo trip, so these experiences will only help him as he establishes his career. Experienced travelers are best able to focus on their job responsibilities when their work requires them to function away from their home base.

If we want our daughters to be able to take advantage of opportunities to earn as much as our sons, we need to help prepare them for the work ... which often requires travel. It doesn't make sense to pay a person with less experience the same as a person with more experience.

Instead of teaching our daughters to be fearful, let's teach them to be capable.

Related stories:

• Paris in the Springtime
• Stories related to Compensation and the Wage Gap

A movie review

We enjoyed the CNN documentary RGB enough to conclude that we wanted to see "On the Basis of Sex" too, the "inspired by a true story" movie about events that occurred duing Ruth Bader Ginsburg's education and early career. And we're glad that we did because it provided a different view into Judge Ginsburg's history. (One, we should note, that is somewhat fictionalized. You can check the facts vs. fiction online.) 
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Not long ago, I attended a class called "Understanding myself from a cultural perspective". One of the most memorable things the instructor told us is that an outsider can't become a member of a group unless he or she has an insider advocate. In addition to being a thought-provoking claim, it got me thinking about responsibility; specifically, what responsibility do I have to help others who are on the outside?

This movie, and other stories I've read about Judge Ginsburg, highlight the fact that after finishing two years of Harvard Law School and then graduating from Columbia Law School (where she tied for first in her class), RBG couldn't find an NYC law firm that was willing to hire her. That's hard to believe in 2019, but apparently it really happened.

Ruth and Marty both worked while raising their two children; Ruth started out as a college professor and Marty spent his career as a tax attorney. It's well known that Marty was the family cook long before many men assumed such roles. Their successes appear to be linked in many ways.

Thankfully for Ruth, and all women really, her husband, Marty, remained convinced that she should continue to push the legal system until she found a crack; a way to practice law instead of just teaching others about it. It's an example of a person on the inside advocating for a person on the outside. 

And it leaves us wondering, is there a person or people who are deserving of our advocacy?

Pointer to funny SNL video

Dads took center stage on SNL last week in their "Westminster Daddy Show" skit.

​Enjoy :)

Pointer to an interesting HBR article about working parents 

If you spend time wondering how your career and/or your spouse's career might affect your kids, you'll want to read this HBR article: How Our Careers Affect Our Children by Stewart D. Friedman.

Here are just a few of the interesting insights provided by studies outlined in this relatlvely short article:

• Children’s emotional health was higher when parents (both fathers and mothers) believed that family should come first, regardless of the amount of time they spent working 
  (i.e. Attitudes and priorities are more important than the number of hours you work)
• Children were better off when parents cared about work as a source of challenge, creativity, and enjoyment (regardless of the time spent on it) 
  (i.e. Your attitude and feelings about your career make a difference in your kids' lives)
• Children were more likely to show behavioral problems if their fathers were overly involved psychologically in their careers (whether or not they worked long hours)
• To the extent that a father was performing well and feeling satisfied with his job, his children were likely to demonstrate relatively few behavior problems (independent of how many hours he worked each day)
• For mothers, having authority and discretion at work was associated with mentally healthier children
  (i.e. They found that children benefit if their mothers have control over what happens to them when they are working) 
• Mothers spending time on themselves (for relaxation and self-care, but not housework), was associated with positive outcomes for children
  (i.e. What mothers do with their time at home is more important that how much time they spend in the home each day)
• The time parents spent working each day did not influence children’s mental health

Pointer to a very funny story by Clay Heath

New and expecting dads (and moms) are likely to enjoy this very funny take on being a supportive partner when pregnancy challenges arise in A Pregnancy Story. The author, Clay Heath, has a knack for seeing the humor during a time of great stress - at least in hindsight!

Inspired by an article in TIME magazine

Becoming a Stay at Home Dad (SAHD) might feel like the right move for some men. But even if your partner is on-board and ready to become the sole financial contributor within the family, a decision to leave the workforce, even for just a few years, may set your career back in enough ways that you are likely to regret the decision down the road (assuming you think you'll want to reenter the workforce in the future).

Last month we wrote about the financial downside to career breaks in the story Do The Math. Later we came across an article in TIME magazine that described other, greater risks, specifically experienced when a man leaves his job to care for his family for an extended period of time. The article, Don't Let Your Husband Be a Stay-At-Home Dad, outlines many of the risks associated with leaving the workforce temporarily and states, "Research suggests the penalty may even be greater for men who temporarily exit the workforce."

Every family is different and there is no single career or parenting model that works for every situation. Each of us needs to do what we think is best given our unique situations. The Time article reminds us that there are ramifications to every decision we make, just like we outlined in another recent story, Choices and Consequences. 

Video about Tamara Strait and Her Dad

In addition to being a mother, wife and real estate agent, Tamara is also a daughter who learned a lot from her father. Watch this short video (2 min) to learn more about the lessons Tamara learned from her dad.

Pointer to HBO's new Docu-Series Being Serena

Working moms on Reddit brought our attention to the new five-part Docu-Series on HBO* called Being Serena. The series chronicals the most recent events in Serena Williams' life; from winning the Australian Open while pregnant in April 2017 right up to attending the recent wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. 

But it's the stuff in-between those events that is most interesting ... and inspiring ... and thought provoking ... and relatable. 

For those who don't know, Serena is married to Alexis Ohanian, one of the co-founders of Reddit, so it's especially interesting that Reddit led us to this program. Talk about a synergistic relationship!

Working parents (both moms and dads) are likely to appreciate Serena's story and find themselves relating, thinking, and being inspired as they watch.

* It appears that Being Serena is also available via On Demand until early July. More info.

By Thomas McFall (adapted from Twitter with permission | @Thomas___McFall)

In one of my Management classes, I sit in the same seat every day. It's in the front of the class. Every single day I sit there.

It's next to some foreign guy who barely speaks English. The most advanced thing I've heard this guy say in English is "Wow, my muffin is really good". This guy also has a habit of stacking every item he owns in the exact space I sit; his bag, his food, his books, and his phone are ALWAYS right on my desk space. 

Every single time I walk into class this guy says "Ah, Tom. You here. Okay." And then he starts frantically clearing my desk of his belongings. He then makes it a habit to say "Ready for class, yeah?" And gives me a high five. Every day this guy gives me a high five. 

I was ALWAYS annoyed with this guy. I'm thinking "Dude, you know I sit in this seat every day. Why are you always stacking your shit here? And the last thing I want to do is give a guy who barely speaks my language high fives at 8:00 in the morning." Just get your shit off my desk. 

But Monday I came to class and was running a few minutes late. I'm standing outside because I had to send a quick text. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my usual space through the door. Of course, my desk was filled with his belongings. The usual. 

As I'm standing there on my phone, another guy, who was also late, walks into the class before me and tried to take my seat since it's closest to the door. The foreign guy who sits next to me stops this dude from sitting down and says "I'm sorry. My good friend Thomas sits here." 

It was then that I realized this guy wasn't putting stuff on my seat to annoy me. He was saving me the seat every morning. And this whole time he saw me as a friend, but I was too busy thinking about myself to take him into consideration. Cheesy as it sounds, I was touched. 

I ended up going into class, and of course he cleared the seat and said "Ah, Tom. You here. Okay." And I did get a high five. At the end of class I asked him if he wanted to get a bite to eat with me. We did. And we talked for a while. I got through the broken English and learned that he moved here from the Middle East to pursue a college education in America. He plans to go back after he gets his degree. He's got two kids and a wife. He works full time and sends all his left over money back home to his wife. 

Moral of the story? Don't do what I did and constantly only think about yourself. It took me nearly the entire semester to get my head out of my ass and realize this guy was just trying to be my friend. Better late than never I suppose.

Book Review

Being a working parent is a challenge. After reading the book The Hate U Give recently, I'm reminded that it's even more of a challenge for some parents, like those depicted in the book. This young adult novel was a book club "assigned read" and one that I feared would be a difficult one. But it was just the opposite. While the subject matter is heavy and revolves around a police shooting of an unarmed young man, the story is told in a way that is compelling and well-rounded. Along with the very difficult situations, there is love, laughter and teen-aged silliness (and angst).

Even though the book is targeted at readers much younger than me, I found it compelling, relevant, and very worthwhile. It made me realize than one person's idea of struggle just may be another's idea of privilege. If everyone in the US (at least) read this book, I think we might have at least a little less strife and a lot more understanding of each other.