Submitted by Kathy Haselmaier - "Employers need to find ways to neutralize and overcome the effects of 

As the editor of Working Parent Stories, you probably won’t be surprised to read that I’ve gotten to know a lot of working parents … and their stories. A common theme has emerged within many of the stories that is rarely discussed. We’re used to hearing about the need for better benefits and more flexibility within the workplace as a way of enticing more women to remain in the workforce, and most agree that these things are valued by all working parents and probably most employees. But something mentioned less often, and a theme that is emerging in many working parent stories, is that subtle messages are being sent to working mothers that can affect their determination to purse their careers and maintain the energy needed to succeed. The messages are sent by friends, relatives, and the media. They question a woman’s commitment to her family when she chooses to pursue a career. I call these messages “micro discouragements”.
 
Every woman knows that if she has a child she will need to make “the choice”; will she return to work or exit the workforce after the baby arrives? Sometimes the choice is made with a partner. And sometimes there is no choice because returning to work is a necessity. Most men aren’t yet expected to make “the choice”. But as more and more women out-earn their partners, more and more men are finding they need to make “the choice” too.
 
Recently I heard someone comment that working mothers often manage their careers like their fathers (who often had full-time "assistants" at home) while trying to mother like their stay-at-home moms. And some working fathers have few, if any, role models from dual-career couples. Some people dismiss these generalizations as outdated, but stories from young working parents suggest that the struggle is still very real for many of them. Even today.
 
If you’re a man balancing fatherhood with a demanding career that requires hard work every day, every week, and every month, imagine the joy of a holiday gathering with family (which, of course, involves more and different work at home). And then imagine the feeling you’ll get when your father quietly asks you, “How’s work going? How sure are you that pursuing your career is really best? Isn't Kelsey's career going well enough to enable you to be home for the kids?” Could it feel a little like a punch in the gut? A “micro discouragement”? Could a steady stream of these messages start to undermine your enthusiasm, resolve, and energy?
 
Many women who have careers are enduring these micro discouragements on a regular basis. Even today. They come from their parents, friends, aunts and uncles, the Internet, other parents, TV, cousins, magazines, people at church, and the radio. More and more men may start to endure them too. Some women let them roll off their backs and never give them a second thought. Some women are energized by them because they represent a challenge.
 
But some women don’t find these comments energizing at all. These are the women who are at risk of dropping out of the workforce or have already. These are the women who struggle to maintain the energy needed to juggle multiple roles that include a career. These are the women who are often at risk of leaving your company or maybe the workforce entirely. These are the women who can’t fully enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done within the context of a career.
 
So what can employers do? First, it’s probably worth noting that you can’t afford to provide enough benefits to impress “Aunt Susie” or “Tiffany” at the PTA meeting. No matter how much flexibility and assistance you offer your working parents, some of their friends and relatives are likely to continue delivering "micro discouragements", at least for the foreseeable future. So employers need to find ways to neutralize and overcome the effects of the “micro discouragements” with “micro encouragements”. They need to help working parents more clearly recognize the benefits their work provides to their families. The data is out there, and employers need to find ways to get it in front of their employees. They can also pair young working parents with older working parents who’ve mastered the balance. They can share stories of success within their own companies via web sites, videos, and newsletters. They can create forums so that working parents can encourage each other, discuss challenges, and share best practices.
 
Find ways to provide “micro encouragements” to young working parents, and then reap the rewards for years to come.

Pointer to a BuzzFeedVideo by Hannah Williams - "We had some intersting results."

This BuzzFeedVideo (8:40 min) from Hannah Williams may have you thinking she's crazy at the beginning, but by the end you may find yourself convinced that she uncovered some valuable lessons you can use (while avoiding the actual "experiment").

Submitted by Maggie

We’re called the “sandwich generation.” I’m not sure who coined the expression, but it does seem to work. With advances in medicine, and Medicare covering the costs of that medicine, most people are living longer. This means that our children (the sandwich’s bottom layer) and our elder relatives (the sandwich’s upper layer) become part of the daily juggle for a working parent. How do working parents cope?

Two years ago we lost my dad to a sudden heart attack. This left my mother without a full-time caregiver in a community that was built around two golf courses and not designed for someone requiring assistance. Mom had taken a series of falls two years prior to his death, and her injuries, coupled with peripheral neuropathy and arthritis, left her needing a lot of daily care. Her mind is sharp, but dressing, showering, and getting to doctors' offices had been left to my dad.

Her daily requests and needs surpass those of a child and leave me wondering how to approach my employer regarding my need to give my mom the attention she needs.

Shortly after we moved Mom to an assisted living residence, I was laid off from my job. I wonder if my time away from the office resulted in my layoff. Fortunately I found a work-from-home position with my current employer and have a boss who believes in putting family first. Perhaps the universe helps us when we need it most.
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Mom is going on her second year in an assisted living facility. The daily requests have diminished thanks to the staff there. And I still have that understanding boss.

How do you juggle responsiblities if you are part of the sandwich generation? I'm eager to read your replies.

There it was again: the “sting”. Let me explain what I mean. I was talking to another mother about my work and how I manage it all; young children, an 80% work schedule, and a husband who is out-of-town traveling for business most week days. The other mother, who works a 40% schedule, has grown children, and a husband who is home most evenings, asked, "How can you work that much? You don’t have any time with your kids." Ouch. That hurt.
 
I noticed that I became defensive when I replied to her, “I have time with my kids in the mornings and evenings, on the weekends, and during our joint vacations. And all my female colleagues in the United States work full time, and they often have more children than I do.”
 
Why did this bother me so much? I think it was because her statement implied a judgement; she does it right, and I do it wrong.
 
These opinions and judgments often come from mothers who have the luxury to work just a “little” or not at all. And sometimes their judgments contain defensiveness because my situation highlights the fact that they could be working and earning more.
 
Why can’t mothers respect each others' choices? Why do some feel compelled to provide opinions and even judgments? Do fathers criticize their peers who work full-time and/or travel as part of their jobs?
 
It makes me sad that women and mothers criticize each others' career choices. Maybe we do it because we sometimes have more choices about our lifestyles. And women probably spend a lot more time than men questioning whether or not we've made the best choices for our families and ourselves.

But, please, do not burden your fellow sisters. Let's support each others' decisions. That would be much more helpful for ourselves, our children, and our society. We're all trying to do the best we can!

Recently a hard-working and much admired mother read one of our stories and commented that stay-at-home parents and working parents all want similar things. I totally agree. I've yet to meet a parent who isn't striving to do their best whether they work full-time, focus on their family full-time, or something in between. All parents I encounter seem to want the best for their children, their partner, their parents, their siblings, their friends, and their employer (when they have one). I'm guessing there are people out there who aren't trying their hardest, but I don't know them. For years I've suggested that any parent who wants to make a case for leaving the workforce to stay home full-time should gather data points from working parents. We've got some real horror stories about our own missteps and the consequences, but we're careful about sharing them.

So why focus exclusively on stories of inspiration and encouragement for working parents?
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1. ​Volunteer work focused on attracting and retaining women in STEM-related careers showed me first-hand the high value of role models and encouragement. Working Parent Stories showcase role models and offer encouragement.
2. There are significantly more online resources for stay-at-home parents than working parents. Stay-at-home parents are blogging and Tweeting at a staggering rate. Working parent support, encouragement, tips, and humor are harder to find. I have the network and know-how to provide some.
3. Lack of experience as a stay-at-home parent prevents me from adding any credible suggestions for them. (Although people who know me well, know that I often think I know about all kinds of things I really know nothing about :) .
4. The feedback has been very encouraging. Working parents tell us they love the stories. It's hard to walk away from that ;)

The great thing about the Internet is that there is something for almost everyone. Stay-at-home moms are able to access a ton of info to support, encourage, and enhance their lifestyle. Stay-at-home dads are also popping up all over the blogosphere and on Twitter and Instagram. Some are especially funny and entertaining. And now, Working Parents have another resource designed to inspire, encourage, and support their lifestyle. Oh, and we try to find a little humor in our missteps too.

​Thanks for reading the stories!

The first 50 stories submitted by working parents contained a few predictable elements, but collectively they produced the following eight surprises: 
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1. Many working men confidently, quickly and clearly articulate how their work inspires them to parent.
   Of the first 50 stories, 22 were from men. None of them mentioned a concern that working might diminish their role as a father.
   Examples:  Once-a-Month Lunches and A Haven for Her Soul
   
   
2. Many women mentioned that they enjoy their work.
   Interestingly men didn't mention this often or maybe ever. I'm guessing that a lot of men do enjoy their work, but they didn't mention that in their stories.
   Examples:  My Fear Evaporated and Improved Efficiency
   
   
3. Some new fathers find it difficult to return to work after their babies are born.
   I didn't expect to hear this. Maybe the surprise reflects my age (55).
   Example:  Back to Work on Monday
   
   
4. Meal prep is a challenge for many dual career couples, and there are a lot of men doing a lot of food prep in those families.
   This topic results in a lot of comments!
   Examples:  Divide and Conquer and What's For Dinner?
   
   
5. Not one story submitter has complained that their employer hinders their ability to be a good parent.
   There is a lot of social media chatter about the need for more flexibility in the workplace and better childcare, but nobody mentioned those topics in these stories.
   
   
6. Many working parents believe that their need to focus on work has been a positive influence on their children.
   Sometimes this wasn't by design and the value was only realized afterward.
   Examples:  A Family of Teachers and Cultural Experience
   
   
7. Executives with very demanding careers appear to be great parents too.
   This is probably because they apply the same strong skills that have propelled them in the workplace when they're raising their kids.
   Examples: Charli's Angels and Is it Time to Go Home?
   
   
8. Working Parent limitations sometimes result in valuable lessons for their kids.​
   Examples:  Laundry Lineup and Help Yourself

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Were you surprised by anything you read in these stories?

Inspired by Adam Rose

Are you a stay-at-home parent thinking about getting back into the workforce? If there is any question in your mind about whether or not now is the right time to jump back in, put those concerns to rest and take a look at the LinkedIn post below.

Submitted by This Irreverent Papa (@IrreverantPapa)

​I turned 30 when my wife was six months pregnant, and now our son is just over a month old. I am lucky enough to work for a company that provides four weeks of paid leave for fathers, but now that it's just about over, the thought of being back at work has me grunting with disgust.

I'm a rather excellent employee - if I do say so myself. But hell, I'm a millennial and the most important thing in my life is the stretch of hours from 5pm-8am and any vacation time I can swindle with my family in the fairly modest, yet perfect, 1,500 square feet of house we own. Work is my priority when I'm there, sure, but you're never going to see me staying in the office past 5:00 pm unless I have to. That's what laptops are for. I don't mind working from home, as long as I'm home.

Contributed by ​Daniel Lewis as published on The Dad Website

READ the STORY on The Dad Website.

My dad spent 10-15 years working from home. Since he didn't have to commute to an office (an hour each way), he saved a lot of time. He was able to do everything his job required from home, so this was a win-win arrangement for him and the company that employed him.