The Incredible Challenge

Submitted by Jay Rooney

"... as she smiles and giggles at me, everything else — my worries, my anxieties, my fears, my insecurities — seems so insignificant."

I was newly-married and knee-deep in my career when my wife found out she was pregnant with Josie. Like most expectant parents, we were excited, nervous, and bursting with anticipation to welcome the newest member of our family.

Then, just 24 hours after she was born, Josie was diagnosed with an ultra-rare heart condition called Tetralogy of Fallot with Pulmonary Atresia. (Jimmy Kimmel spoke about his son, who had the same illness, right around the same time.) She was whisked away to the cardiovascular ICU at Stanford University Medical Center, where she had open-heart surgery at just 3-days-old. For the next three months, we stood by her side as she recovered. Seeing your child sedated, scarred, and hooked up to so many wires is among the most horrifying sights for a parent. And being immersed in the chaos and isolation of the ICU for such a prolonged time took a huge toll on my wife's and my physical and emotional health, and severely tested our relationship.

But eventually, she did get better, and we were able to take her home (until her next surgery later on). Fortunately, thanks to California's labor laws, we still had jobs to come back to, but Josie's special needs necessitated one of us to stay home and care for her around the clock. My wife, Jenny, having prior medical experience, was a natural fit. Meanwhile, I assumed a breadwinner role and made sure we could keep a roof over our heads.

Josie's mom, Jenny

So now, we went from being textbook DINKs ("Dual Income, No Kids") to being a household of three, with one breadwinner. To make matters worse, a seasonal gig I had done for years fell through, throwing another wrench into our plans.

But as any parent will tell you, we will move earth and sea to make sure our children are safe and happy. And so I did. Even though I already work full-time, teach part-time, and volunteer (along with caring for Josie), I've started freelancing on the weekends so that Josie will always have a warm room to sleep in, so that she will never run out of food or medicine, so that she'll have nice toys, books, and clothes, and so she can build as many happy memories as she can with her parents.

Is it hard? Yes. It's incredibly challenging. I don't sleep much, or well, these days. But when I come home, hold my baby daughter, and look into her eyes as she smiles and giggles at me, everything else — my worries, my anxieties, my fears, my insecurities — seems so insignificant. She is what is important. She's the one I work so hard for, and she deserves it all (and more). I need her as much as she needs me. She makes it all worth it.

If I were to give advice to other working parents, I'd tell them three things.

1. Remember who you work for. Spend as much time with your family as much as possible. Having a child is a gift and a blessing, and we all know how much they refocus our priorities. Make as much time for your children as you can (without skirting your work responsibilities, of course). Cherish every moment you spend together — and carry those moments with you. They will motivate you to do the best you can, as well as sustain you when things get too hectic at the office.
2. Children (and their parents!) are much more resilient than we give them credit for. Josie, an infant, survived three months in the ICU. So whenever I, an adult, am feeling overwhelmed, I breathe deeply and remember that. There is nothing you and your child can't overcome. Whether it's work stuff, money stuff, marriage stuff, or something else entirely ... whatever it is you're going through, you've got this!
3. Don't read parenting books or follow parenting trends. Parenting fads, like any fad, are fickle — "experts" will suggest one thing now, and the complete opposite thing five years later. But we've been raising kids for the hundreds of thousands of years we've been a species. It's not that complicated; just remember: you're not the first, and you're not the last. Just make sure your child gets lots of love, lots of attention, and learns right from wrong. Everything else, you'll figure out.
   
   (However, DO seek out groups of parents to talk and listen to, and seek support from those who've been there before. Especially if your child struggles with illness or has other special needs)

Parenting is life's most challenging endeavor. But it's also the most rewarding. My love for Josie knows no bounds, and anytime she falls asleep in my arms, I know that no matter how tough things get, and no matter how many problems I'm facing, everything is fine, and everything will be fine.

If you can relate to that last paragraph, don't worry — chances are, you're doing it right!

More on Josie's story:

• Second surgery the week of Sep 23, 2017 (via CaringBridge) 
• Josie's Toesies
• Berkeley newborn struggles with condition made famous by Jimmy Kimmel​

Jay Rooney is a Freelance Commercial Writer, University Professor, Self-Published Author, and Publicist who holds a ​MS in Integrated Marketing Communications from Golden Gate University. He offers copywriting, copyediting, and brand storytelling solutions to small businesses, nonprofits, and marketing agencies in the San Francisco Bay Area and nationwide. Keep up with his (and Josie's) journey by following @RamblingRooney on Twitter.

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