Holiday Perspective

Submitted by Kathy Haselmaier

"What they didn't list was even more interesting."

When I think of the holidays, stress is the strongest feeling that washes over me. It shouldn't. At least not now. My kids are grown, and I have very little to worry about. But years and years of the real deal (i.e. stress) are hard to shake.

On Thanksgiving, I asked my kids (now 27 and 22) to list their top fun Christmas memories. Here's what they told me:

• Receiving a ping pong table
• The "emergency" trip to the airport (to "help some friends"), when they found Grandma and Grandpa getting off the plane instead of our friends' relatives 
• Seeing a fox on the front porch on Christmas morning
• Receiving an iPod
• A Christmas morning scavenger hunt 
• Artichokes for Christmas dinner
• Relaxing for multiple days
  
  

What they didn't list was even more interesting. They didn't mention the cooking, the cleaning, the decorating, or any of the million other little things that stressed me out each year. They didn't mention any of the holiday concerts or programs we dutifully attended. They didn't mention the way the ornaments were so neatly arranged on the tree. They didn't mention the vast selection of cookies we made, or any of the food prep really ... well, except the artichokes we had that one year. 

The scavenger hunt took place the year we were worried about money and gave them very little. It took them all morning and part of the afternoon to find those few gifts thanks to the never-ending trail of clues and the secret code that had to be deciphered.

These reflections have me thinking. Was my stress self-imposed? Was I trying to please my kids? Was I trying to please someone else? There is no doubt in my mind that a significant amount of my stress resulted from my desire to meet at least perceived expectations of others. And that leads me to wonder; what could each of us do to let others and ourselves off the hook this year? 

There are some articles with good suggestions listed below. In the meantime, what are your thoughts? 

Maybe one of the most valuable gifts we could give each other is the gift of lower expectations.

Kathy Haselmaier is a mother, wife, and the editor of Working Parent Stories. She and her husband worked full-time while raising their children. Kathy worked in high tech marketing and business operations roles, and holds a BS degree in Computer Science from Michigan Tech.

Suggestions from others:

• Make It Happen Hack
• How to not crash and burn this Christmas​
• 7 Ways to Diffuse Holiday Stress

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