Why Is My Child Self-Centered?

Submitted by "Experienced Mom"

"... his interest in anything beyond himself remains pretty much non-existent."

Recently a parent, who gave up her career 18 years ago to focus on her children full-time, shared a frustration with me; her teenaged son is only interested in himself. Even as significant events swirl around him and she tries to explain their relevance to him, his interest in anything beyond himself remains pretty much non-existant.

I bit my tongue as I thought about what she'd said. It didn't surprise me for two reasons;

1. For his whole life she'd been demonstrating that his needs were her highest priority ... almost all of the time. (Why was she surprised that he agreed and was modeling her behavior?)
2. Self-centeredness isn't all that unusual for a teenager. Most start showing more interest in things beyond themselves as they mature.

When we balance family and work we make it very clear to our children that multiple priorities can be managed at the same time. Sometimes our children's needs are our highest priority and sometimes other things demand our attention. Our children learn, by watching us, that they are part of a world that is bigger than themselves and that their needs don't always deserve the most attention. This realization will help them better understand the world, their role within it, and how they can make valuable contributions.

"Experienced Mom" has grown children. She and her husband worked full-time while they raised them. Each member of the family has been accused of being self-centered within the last year. 

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